Another day

Ok blogspot, let's start over.

 This is my view right now , yea I know not the best image in the world. But as I feel my heart pounding more and more. Stomach squeezing , mouth filling with saliva. I just wait for the moment when my stomach will release. Now why you ask? I'm pregnant. 

Well that was fast , I wipe my face, wait a couple of minutes more, flush the toilet, off to bed now. 

It's been 9 weeks now and trust me it has not been the best 9 weeks of my life. 

To answer all you're questions, 

Yes I want the kid 

Yes I'm still with the dad 

Yes my parents know. 

Sorry for coming off on such a bad note, it's just I'm 16 and I'm not going to be 17 until December. But my baby is due January 24. I guess maybe by then I'll be a little more grown . Heh. For one thing I could basically write a whole 3 page essay on how and what to eat after throwing up. (If you need me to I will gladly be of assistance). 😂 is it normal that I've been throwing up every day for the past two weeks?! When is is going to go away! 😭😫 :( 

But.. I came back to blogspot today for the simple reason that I want to write how I feel down instead of blowing my sisters phone with messages and face time of me balling me eyes out . So guess what blogspot! You're my victim now! 

Wahahahaahahaahahaahaahahahahaaahahhahaahahahahahahahahahaha

Any who my tone will go a little darker now... 

About the dad... I'm not sure I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him.. Not to sound off. It's just every relationship I've had was just a little teenage thing to me . Not a life time thing. Yea I might feel certain ways for him . And I had butterflies the first time I met him.. But thinking about it now , an education is put in front of that. You see , for me it's , career first and then relationship.. And now it has to be baby first l career second relationship third.. It's especially hard to think about education when basically everyone in your family is saying it's not possible to continue. With no hard feelings baby , I really don't want these thoughts in my head . And if you're like my Mexican mom then I know what you're thinking , I opened my legs now I have to deal with the responsibility. I know I figured that out as well... 

But with my family judging me.. Friends telling me to abort it.. And not being able to go outside (you know, nausea) I start feeling lonely.. 

At least a few hours ago I called my dad and stayed quiet.. He knew I was upset and just talked.. I feel like these days all I want is someone to listen to.. Or even better someone to listen to me. I can't talk to my boyfriend because all he thinks about is weed.. My mom will just argue with me.. None of my friends really care.. I really don't have any friends ... And well my cousins... They're either to young, to old or mad at me for my foolish mistakes. I have my sister .. But I can't put all my emotions on top of her as well. 

Maybe I feel this way because of pregnancy .. But maybe god finally sent me my real lesson in life.. And now I'm learning . 

-MaggieO- 

I added the O because I'm pregant now. 😒