An old story i once wrote.

     These two stories are together. Its hard to understand it, i was like 12 when i wrote it. :)
          -I DO-
     I'm looking down at my hands to see them holding a bouquet of flowers. And if i were to raise my dress up just a little I would see those gigantic heels i wanted to wear as a little girl. And to my left my arm would be entangled with my fathers arm while i got closer to my fate. Eyes staring at me, smiles greeting me at every step. Oops, almost tripped on my dress. The brightest white dress anyone had ever seen. At my front, my future husband is waiting for me. He looks amazing in that black suit. And he still holds the little white rose i gave him when we first met. Now i'm guiding myself by his smile, and his two dimples that reassured me everything would be alright. Im now standing next to him, looking at the priest. The words i hear dont matter. This moment matters. I do.
I do.

          -REGRET-
     I get up, walk over to the restroom. I sigh, pick up the knife. I feel a little tipsy, maybe hungover from last night. Today is the day. I take a quick shower, put on a red short dress. A bow for my hair and  fishtail to finish off.
     Its a nice day, sun is up wind is blowing. Clouds are hardly seen. i walk inside the church. Church bells ring, i kneel down to my god. I find a seat at the very back. And wait. I get desperate, i start shaking. My breathing became heavier. "I have to stay" i whisper to myself..
     She looks beautiful, amazing, just like a star. Her gentle hands hold a perfect bouquet of flowers. Her dress moving perfectly with each step she takes. Her proud father by her side. And waiting for her at the front is the man that i love. I'm here today making sure he is happy with who once used to be my best friend. I'm dying inside, remembering every kiss, every touch. She's by your side now, the priest is talking. You both dont care. Your both here to say yes. I should have never left you. I was dumb.
     "Does anyone in here object the marriage of these two?"
     There i am, staring, thinking "stop it, stop it here." No, i dont want to ruin this happy day.

Minutes pass by, they have already kissed they already said i do. I stand up... run outside and cry. Can't talk, cant breath. My cries are silent. I'm trying to grasp the air. I hear cheers and applause. I wipe away my tears, get in my car and put in the keys. Theres a knock by the right window. Its him!
I unlock the door and plants himself right down next to me.
"Were are we going?" he asks
"Don't you have a wedding to be at right now?"
"It got boring when you left/" He chuckled a little and then his smile turned to a frown.
"Stop, please just go." I said to with tears halfway down my face.
"Tell me the truth, how do you feel about all this?" He was now looking at me with those kind sad eyes he would do every time he'd see me cry back then.
"Honestly, it hurts, I miss you and the way we used to be. Theres nothing to do anymore, your a married man and your happy. I'm going to be fine." I cleaned the tears away and covered my face as if i was five again.
"No girl in this world will ever mean as much as you ever did to me. You left me, i had to move on. But i'll never be as happy as you made me. And maybe in another life, we will be together." He opened the door of the car and started walking out,"Oh and i forgot" he added,"It's time i let go of this." He set down a picture of us down on the seat and left. I cried and started heading home.
I do... I do regret everything.

This afternoon at 2:42 pm on the day April 15, 2021 their was an accident on the freeway. Only 5 injured but one dead. It was a young lady about the age of 26. All my prayers and blessing go to her and her family.

Thats when i realized, my mission in life was now over. I saw things all differently now. I was now laying in a coffin. Everyone dressed in black. Everyone dressed in black. Every family member i had was all shedding tears. Im sorry, forgive me. He was sitting at the very back crying... But soon enough left just the same way i had walked out from his wedding.
I'LL SEE YOU SOON. I LOVE YOU.

-End-
-Maggie-

Enjoy the little things :)

     Ever since i started this new school it got me thinking about all my friends i had. All the things i would do. Different qualities my school had that my new school doesn't have. I get to thinking wow, my school had this and this much more than here. Wow i knew much more people over there. And i realized, wow i never really realized what i got. And it hits me real hard to think i've been to tons of different schools, met tons of different people but i never stopped back to realize how much all this shapes my life. Have i been that BLIND all this time? Even till now, it seems to me that that is the hint my friend up in the sky has been trying to tell me.
     My mom who divorced my dad a year ago, she is a big example for this. Back then i would nag and nag about her. I thought she was annoying. The moment she no longer was with me, in my own house with my dad and sister i knew how much i needed her. I saw that all this time i was taking advantage of my own mother. It kills me every time i think about it. I saw i had to come out of this habit i had of getting everything done for me. I had to provide for myself. Clean my own stuff. Live through experiences that i would have loved to ask my mom for help. But i never appreciated what i had. Its horrible to think it took me a whole year to realize all this. My mom is one of those little things that i enjoy. That soon i will be able to have that security from her again.
     So now that i had all these things dropped on me at once. I can finally see it. Enjoy the little things.
     But going back to my new school. I will not dwell on my past school. I am in a new place and i have a chance to start fresh. Thats something to take advantage of.


-Maggie-